6 weeks

July 16, 2008 at 4:22 pm 2 comments

At 8:36 am today, Grace hit an important milestone.

She became ~ta-daaaa~ a six-week-old. Which makes her old enough for the child-minding service provided by my gym. At 8:36am today, we dropped her older sister off at day-care and instead of turning left to go back home, turned right- towards the Wellness Centre, and its cadre of eager, waiting child-minders.

This was the first time that my plain old regular un-pregnant body has been to the gym since I first saw those four letters together: H. A. E. S.

Some things were the same as they’ve ever been. I went in with a goal- hoping to walk Xkm in Ymin without killing myself in the process. The numbers don’t matter; slower than at the peak of my strength and endurance, faster than in my third trimester. Despite having set the treadmill to a speed that would hit that target, I kept doing the math in my head, converting displayed miles into kilometers, checking that against the time left. Mental math amuses me.

Some things were vastly different.
The target didn’t rule all. At one point I increased the speed, just because I felt like I could go faster for a while. Then I decreased it, because it felt like it was time to slow down. I was actually listening to my body, and responding.
I ignored the displays of the two treadmills on either side of me. It didn’t matter if I was going faster or slower, for longer or shorter times. This was my time, and no one else’s.
I paid very little attention to the ‘calories burned’ display, except to look for a way to turn it off. And I didn’t drive home thinking about what special treat I could eat with my lunch, having ‘earned’ it at the gym. My lunch will probably still be delicious. I haven’t decided yet what I’ll eat- but that’s a whole separate internal dialogue.

It felt good to enjoy a nice walk- exploring where the limits are of what this body, in this condition, at this time, can do. It felt good to get a bit sweaty. Something about sweaty post-workout breast-milk knocked Grace out for long enough for her to sleep through my long shower. It used to do the same for her sister, if I recall. It felt good knowing that I can walk that far, without hurting myself. The distance I walked on a treadmill today is pretty close to the distance from home to the mall and back. (With the a/c out of commission in my car, I’d probably sweat less walking it than driving).

I still have a long way to go. On my way into the shower, I stepped on the scale. (Still hasn’t moved much since the big drop in Grace’s first week). And I’m pretty glad these jeans fit again. I don’t want to think in terms of weight-loss or jean-size goals, but there is this “baby-weight” that I don’t think of as “mine”. I’m not trying to diet or exercise it away- I’m just sort of waiting for it to go away on its own so I can pass on some clothes to a newly pregnant friend, and dig my box of pre-pregnancy jeans out of the closet.

But still- it felt good to hang out for a while, walking, watching Newsworld, and just spending time along in my own body, and my own head. It’s been a long time. I’ve missed me.
So Grace, happy arbitrary-milestone day.
I love you tons- but a some time without you was pretty great, too.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

New Mommy Fatshion Getting it Back… sort of.

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Facultades  |  July 16, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    I’m happy for you. You seem to be in a place I wish I could be. Listebing only to myself and not all the noise from society.

  • 2. boobsihazdem  |  July 16, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    I take a piece of card to put over the calorie and time displays 🙂 Really helps me concentrate on more important things.

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